Flashes of Sanity #48: The subway critic

Welcome to Flashes of Sanity! Your weekly dose of flash fiction on 500 words or less.

This week’s entry: The Subway Critic


”Could you just not!” Carl stormed off from his throne just to return seconds later. ”It is like you’re not even trying!”
The man Carl spoke to looked at the bearded man. His coffee mug was still on his lips.
”You can’t wear that!” Carl waved his rod towards the man’s coat. The empty soda can on top of the rod hit the coffee mug.
”Sir…” The man wiped the splashed coffee from his face. ”I am on my way to work.”
”Exactly!” Carl hit the rod over the man’s face. ”and you will be laughed at looking like that!”
The man rubbed the back of his head. His eyes was a thunderstorm. ”If you hit med again…”
”You will what? Take your coat of toilet paper and wipe me clean?”
A subway rolled in as silent as an arrow.
”IDIOT!” Carl screamed as the man entered.
Then a black fur caught his attention.
The woman sprinted on sharp heels up until Carl used his magic rod and sent the soda can in her direction. The soda can hit her heels and she fell to the ground.
”Please.” She whimpered.
”I don’t even know where to start!” Carl sat down and pointed the rod in her face. ”Black with that lipstick! Come on! It is like you want to be ridiculed! And fur… Unethical! And like 20 years too late.”
The woman cried. ”Help!”
”And.” Carl began tearing at her heels until one of them fell off. He sniffed it. ”This brand is Sooo old fashioned! And who the hell uses cocaine anymore.”
Everyone moving in the subway froze as Carl picked up his gun.
”Titiana Wulming. You are under arrest. Lets see what your husband thinks about that.” He picked up a walkie-talkie from his torn shirt. ”Guys, we have suspect on subway 9. Toilet paper white coat. And a haircut from the seventies. And well those glasses they fool no one.”
Titiana looked up at Carl as he cuffed her and tore the fur apart. ”Who are you?”
”Me?” Carl picked up a package out of the stuffing. ”Carl Messinger. And my dear lady, next time… please hide your stash somewhere less disgusting. I bet your ass has seen less shit than these stilettos. Even running shoes are better for fuck sake!”

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