Flashes of Sanity #54: Periodical Stupidity

Welcome to Flashes of Sanity! Your weekly dose of flash fiction on 500 words or less.

This week’s entry: Periodical Stupidity


”Okay but listen to this.” Douglas drank the last from a bottle that was meant for sharing. “My next idea is this wheel, you put firecrackers on it and a squirrel is running around in it to keep it spinning.”

“Nooooo,” the gang screamed.

“But come one! Squirrels are like fast as hell. It could easily be our next break through.” Douglas imitated flares going fast in a circle.

“Nope.” Sam handed him another bottle. “You are still stupid. We need the smart Douglas, now!”

“Are you sure you want to give him that much?” Sara put her hand to her mouth. “What if we miss it.”

“You are right.” Sam snagged the bottle back just as Douglas was about to empty it. He poured the liquid into a tiny glass. “Take this.”

Douglas inhaled it.

“Okay! Now I got it!” Douglas suddenly slammed his hands on his forehead. “What if”

“Does it have to do with squirrels?” Sam quickly asked, prepared to fill the glass once more.

“No this is so much better.” Douglas picked up a napkin from the table. “I want to make pregnancy and parenthood the best fucking experience you have ever seen.”

“Go on…” Both Sara and Sam leaned closer.

“We just have to take away the human element. Everything is automated. And we make this medicines that boost learning in every child.”

“That sounds great, but very farfetched.“

“Sure, but I heard about this mineral that a tribe in Africa let their children and mother’s suck on, and you know what it makes wonders. They build, like, rocket ships from bamboo or something.”

“They do?” Sam immediately began to Google on his phone. “That’s just amazing.”

“Exactly.” Douglas took the bottle out of Sam’s hands. “And then we inject in the mothers throughout the pregnancy. Think of it! Sam Adamson, Sara Gleen and Douglas Diamond build the next mega company. We will call it SurgeRay!” Douglas emptied the bottle in a chug. “And then coyotes!”

“Nooooo!” Sam and Sara once again shouted.

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