Flashes of Sanity #48: The subway critic

Welcome to Flashes of Sanity! Your weekly dose of flash fiction on 500 words or less.

This week’s entry: The Subway Critic

Enjoy!

”Could you just not!” Carl stormed off from his throne just to return seconds later. ”It is like you’re not even trying!”
The man Carl spoke to looked at the bearded man. His coffee mug was still on his lips.
”You can’t wear that!” Carl waved his rod towards the man’s coat. The empty soda can on top of the rod hit the coffee mug.
”Sir…” The man wiped the splashed coffee from his face. ”I am on my way to work.”
”Exactly!” Carl hit the rod over the man’s face. ”and you will be laughed at looking like that!”
The man rubbed the back of his head. His eyes was a thunderstorm. ”If you hit med again…”
”You will what? Take your coat of toilet paper and wipe me clean?”
A subway rolled in as silent as an arrow.
”IDIOT!” Carl screamed as the man entered.
Then a black fur caught his attention.
”Outrageous!”
The woman sprinted on sharp heels up until Carl used his magic rod and sent the soda can in her direction. The soda can hit her heels and she fell to the ground.
”Please.” She whimpered.
”I don’t even know where to start!” Carl sat down and pointed the rod in her face. ”Black with that lipstick! Come on! It is like you want to be ridiculed! And fur… Unethical! And like 20 years too late.”
The woman cried. ”Help!”
”And.” Carl began tearing at her heels until one of them fell off. He sniffed it. ”This brand is Sooo old fashioned! And who the hell uses cocaine anymore.”
Everyone moving in the subway froze as Carl picked up his gun.
”Titiana Wulming. You are under arrest. Lets see what your husband thinks about that.” He picked up a walkie-talkie from his torn shirt. ”Guys, we have suspect on subway 9. Toilet paper white coat. And a haircut from the seventies. And well those glasses they fool no one.”
Titiana looked up at Carl as he cuffed her and tore the fur apart. ”Who are you?”
”Me?” Carl picked up a package out of the stuffing. ”Carl Messinger. And my dear lady, next time… please hide your stash somewhere less disgusting. I bet your ass has seen less shit than these stilettos. Even running shoes are better for fuck sake!”

Flashes of Sanity #47: The Misbehaving Yard

Welcome to Flashes of Sanity! Your weekly dose of flash fiction on 500 words or less.

This week’s entry: The Misbehaving Yard

Enjoy!

The add had been simple.

Buy one and never care again.

So that was what Esther did.

She bought the damned flower, planted it in her yard, gave it some water and waited.

Now that weed was everywhere. And Esther was pissed. And hungry.

She had been since the roots broke her fridge.

”These frigging plants.” She muttered. ”Delvin! Where are you?”

The dog did not answer. She was about to shout again but stopped herself as she remembered Delvin ran away three days ago.

The doorbell rang.

”Frigging plants.” Esther muttered again as she pushed the vines out of her sight and opened the door.

”Hi there!” One of the two men. ”You needed some help with some wee…” His voice died of as he saw the leaves spreading behind Esther.

”Delvin?” Esther said. She coughed. ”Is that you?”

Suddenly her stomach gave up and shot the intestines up her mouth.

”What the hell.” The two men stared at the messy liquid on the entrance. Among it a furry body three days into decomposing.

”Delvin!” Esther picked up the body. She hugged it close to her chest. She looked up into the two men. ”Why don’t you come in?”

”I don’t know ma’am. We have other houses to visit. Maybe we can come back later?” Both men looked nervously at leaves growing closer.

”Don’t be silly.” Esther turned back and floated over the branches with the root sticking out her back. ”We are already part of you.”

One of the men screamed as his lungs collapsed. The other fell to the ground with his hands around his stomach.

”Why don’t you come in for some tea while we wait.” Esther said from the kitchen.

Flashes of Sanity #46: Baby boom

Welcome to Flashes of Sanity! Your weekly dose of flash fiction on 500 words or less.

This week’s entry: Baby Boom

Enjoy!

It had been 20 hours. 20 sweaty hours of furious arguments. Coffee breaks were taken in heavy discussions. Food breaks also.
The toiletbreaks…
“I am telling you,” Major Dunt shouted as he sipped his pants. The bomb left the room with a slurp. “It is unethical! No one would make that sacrifice.”
“For the safety of our earth?” The president had a deep wrinkle between his eyes. One could only guess why. ”I think many would consider a sacrifice of that magnitude.”
“So what will you do?” Major Dunt slammed his fist into the table. “Walk up to every house and ask, ‘Do you want to make a sacrifice for the safety of our country?’”
“I don’t see how that is any different from how we recruit today.”
“They are toddlers!”
“And when you go to highschools you ask the same question to kids who just grew out of their diapers.”
“At least they don’t need a teddy bear to sleep at night.” Major Dunt looked out across the room. “Come on guys! Someone has to understand what I am talking about.”
Regina Landon head of security looked at him over her coffee mug. “Who said we don’t understand you? We don’t just see any other way.”
“But… Kids…” Dunt’s eyes watered. “Kids. Our future.”
“Yes.” The president said with a heavy voice. “But we tried everything else.”
“We can try everything again! Send more bombs. Send more troops. Just don’t send kids.”
“Our bombs made no impact what so ever.” Friedrich Helm head of the European Union said. “And our troops they took in, mutilated and experimented on until no cell was left.”
“They will torture the kids too!” Dunt said. “We can’t just send kids into such a future!”
The silence fell heavy in the room.
“And they are our best chance of taking these aliens down.” The president stood up and put his hand on Major Dunt’s shoulder.
“And we can’t send any troops?”
“Their immune system is too stabile. We need those who magnify diseases.”
“Troops with a virus bomb?”
“The aliens would recognize it immediately.”
Major Dunt fell down on the table. He scratched the back of his head. Then he looked up at the room. And the twenty faces looking back at him.
“Fuck you.“ He sighed. “My daughter has a heavy cold. She is ready for launch.”
Major Dunt stood up straight. His eyes teared up. “I will tell her myself. If you are serious about this, I recommend you follow my example.”
Major Dunt left the room and slammed the door. His screams tore through the spine of everyone in the room.
“The rocket is ready.” The president said while scanning each and everyone in the room. “Each and everyone consider what Major Dunt just said. We send the rocket in two hours.”
“Will you send your kids? ” Friedrich asked as the president exited of the room.
“My kids are teenagers.” The president said and closed the door.

Flashes of Sanity #45: Raging Homosexuals

Welcome to Flashes of Sanity! Your weekly dose of flash fiction on 500 words or less.

This week’s story: Raging Homosexuals

Enjoy!

This was it! Paul Hunter took a deep breath. This is the time! The energy thundered through his body in exploding pulses. This is me living the dream!
His minds eye pictured all the non-believers. All the nay sayers. And all the nights on the streets. And all the days spent in the land of the outcasts.
He forced it to become the fuel for his eternal furnace.
This is what I am made for, he thought.
He put his lips to the mic. And he let his body explode in one shout.
”I AM”
”RAGE” sounded from thousands of voices in the dark and the stage turned into light and fire.
”I AM” He shouted again.
”RAGE” Bounced back immediately.
He gave of one of signature shrieks. ”I AM”
This time Andrew Gleanmore joined the frantic crowd from his drums. ”RAGE” His guttural growl echoed in the darkness.
In an instant Fred McHalf and Greg Kosniak detonated their guitars in deffening blasts.
”I AAAAAM” Paul shrieked and let his voice wander higher.
The crowd went insane.
”We are the Raging Homosexuals!” Paul screamed. ”and, my dear blokes and blokettes, we are here to be the hemoroids haunting all the corrupted asses!” He inhaled. ”SCREAM WITH MEEEEE!”
On que Fred, Andrew and Greg fired of the hit single that pushed the four friends into stardom.
The crowd shouted along as Paul spat the words. As he threw himself into the crowd they held him up. Someone touched his junk.
That’s what you get for wanting this life, Paul thought and smiled.
He wouldn’t trade it for a thing. At this point he would trade nothing for the life he had lived.

Flashes of Sanity #44: Asylum of Misfits

Welcome to Flashes of Sanity! Your weekly dose of flash fiction on 500 words or less.

This week’s story: Asylum of Misfits

Enjoy!

None of them had been among the cool kids. Not even close actually.
They were the outcasts. The misfits a school cared very little for. Milo, fore-eyes, the geek. Susy, the book hugger. And finally Ron, the silent kid.
”When we return, you better have learned to be normal.” Sharon had said as she closed the storage room door. Then she had laughed.
They had called it an asylum. A place of healing in these distressed times. It never changed the fact that it was a storage room in the cellar. Healing rarely occurs in storage room.
”The Misfits? They went home.” They heard Miranda tell a teacher through a went. ”You know, they never go far from home.”
Susy had cried when they heard the buss drive away. She cried harder once she realized no one would miss them for days.
Nothing seemed to calm her.
Well the pipe did eventually, but that was several hours of panic later. Her brain on the floor tore Milo up though.
”What did we do?” He said over and over again.
Ron on the other hand finally found the time to think. ”You didn’t do a thing. I killed her.”
Ron was logical. He knew what was needed. He always had. So he hung up Susy’s body from one of the shelves and cut her throat open. The blood he collected in a bucket.
For drinking. He knew they needed as much.
Milo crouched in the corner as his classmate cut the thighs from Susy’s legs.
”What are you doing?” Milo said.
Ron looked at him. ”For eating.” He said and held the muscle up towards Fore-eyes. ”We have to survive somehow.”
”I will never eat her.” Milo exclaimed.
A day later he regretted ever saying the words.
But I was so hungry, he thought and looked at the face now hanging on body without flesh. Please forgive me. He hoped she would keep him alive.
Sharon got to know how wrong he was once she opened the door after the six days had passed.
“Good day.” Ron said. He combed Susy’s hair.
Sharon froze as Ron threw the head at her. And when she figured she had to scream, Ron already had her throat between his teeth.

Flashes of Sanity #43: Heir of Garbage

Welcome to Flashes of Sanity! Your weekly dose of flash fiction on 500 words or less.

This week’s entry: Heir of Garbage

Enjoy!

”I AM A PRINCESS!”
Helena rolled her eyes. Again. “No you are daughter to Susanne Queen. Owner to the largest garbage disposal company worldwide.”
“That makes me a princess.” Melany tied her arms around her chest and slammed her ass on the floor.
“The princess to countless garbage trucks in that case, my lady.” Helena told the oversized baby.
“And all those garbage men, accountants and the computer trolls mom always talks about.” Melany locked her eyes on Helena. “And you. Never forget that.”
Like you ever give me the chance, Helena thought.
“I am for always at your service, ma’am. ” Helena bowed in mockery of her employer. Luckily, Melany was too stupid to get it.
Melany lit up. “That’s better.” She was suddenly up on her feet and patted Helena on the head. “You are one great nanny.”
“I am your teacher, ma’am.” Helena said. “You stopped having nannies a long time ago.”
“Same thing.” Melany said while skipping out of her room.
Helena looked at her clock. Two hours. It had taken two hours just to get her out of her damned room. If just the pay wasn’t so good.
“You know what?” Melany turned back. “Today, I want to learn about sex. Could you ask your boyfriend to come over?”
“I don’t have a boyfriend.” It was the thousand time Melany had asked the question. Somehow the answer always cheered her up.
“How sad.“ Melany said. “I have had five boyfriends.“
All whom your mother paid, Helena thought but kept her mouth shut.
Suddenly the room began flashing red. Melany screamed.
“What?” Helena said while shielding her eyes from the light.
“Someone just broke in.” Melany ran towards Helena and threw herself into Helena’s arms. “Save me.”
“Saving you? How?”
“I don’t know how you poor do it.” Melany held her hand against her head like a maiden in distress. “Just get me away from here.”
Loud explosions sounded from the bottom floor. A man entered the room.
“Melany Dust?” He said.
“Please don’t take me.” Melany shouted before two bullets hit her in the head.
“Your mom says hi.” The man said then he threw the gun to Helena. “Either you shoot yourself or I do it for you.”
“What?” Helena said while still processing the blood pouring out of Melany’s forehead.
“To slow.” The man suddenly stood beside Helena and held her hand around the gun and pointed it towards her head. “I am sorry for this.”
She heard the trigger clicking. Then all went away.

Flashes of Sanity #42: Thin Threads

Welcome to Flashes of Sanity! Your weekly dose of flash fiction on 500 words or less.

This week’s entry: Thin threads

Enjoy!

There is only a door between us, Kyle thought. You the successful entrepreneur. And me the dumbass in torn clothes you fucked over.

On the other side of the glass door a man smiled at his visitors. All the higher-ups. They belonged to Kyle’s father. They belonged to Kyle.

“I will show you…” Kyle whispered. “I will have my revenge. You will pay for all you have done to me.”

The man on the other side of the glass door suddenly saw Kyle and an unease fell over his face. One second later the smile was back as he greeted the next  investor. As they walked further in through the lobby the man caught a guard. One whisper and a nod later the guard was on his way towards Kyle.

“Good morning Simon.” Kyle said as the guard opened through the door.

“Mr. Rose.” The guard sighed. “You know you can’t be here…”

“I can be where ever I want to be Simon!” Kyle screamed.

“No you can’t Mr. Rose.”
“I don’t care Simon. That man killed my father. He stole my home from me. I will never let him get away with it!”

The guard sighed. “Your father wouldn’t have wanted this from you.“
Kyle suddenly lost his furious energy. “No.” He said. “Even after the divorce and even after I took my mother’s name he kept me close.“

The guard put his arm around Kyle’s shoulders. “He wanted you to fulfill your true potential.”

“But how could I ever do that. I live on the street. My clothes are torn beyond recognition, and that man walks around living my life!” Kyle took a long deep breath. “The other hobos say my sanity is even thinner than my threads.”

“I didn’t see you at the funeral.“ The guard tried to change the subject.

“I couldn’t go there,  not like this.” Kyle showed of his shirt and jeans barely holding together. “That would have been disrespectful. Who came?”

“Everyone close to Mr. Diamond was there.” The guard helped Kyle down the stairs. “You know what? I will have dinner tonight with some friends. Why don’t you join us?”
Kyle looked hesitantly at his old friend.

“The place we are going to won’t mind your new found sense of fashion, sir.” The guard acknowledged. “And these friends have been longing to meet you after all this time.”
“They have?” Kyle said.

“Yes.” The guard handed Kyle a note. ‘Not a bar’ it said and an address. “We are planning the future.”

Kyle looked at the note. “The future?”
“Yes, the future.” The guard smiled. “I hear it will be hot.”

Flashes of Sanity #41: Abnormal Code

Welcome to Flashes of Sanity! Your weekly dose of flash fiction on 500 words or less. This week’s entry is Abnormal Code!

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”So tell me again, what did you do?” Warner scratched his head. This was just amazingly weird. All these years as professor and he had never seen anytging like this.

“Okay, first I changed the code in one line.” Sigla showed Warner the raw data of the program Warner himself built years ago. Just one change. A T instead of a C. “Then I ran the simulation according to protocol.”

Sigla pressed the run command and the screen turned dark. “How about grabbing a coffee while we wait?”

Warner nodded still baffled with what Sigla told him just minutes ago. Could they really have been that lucky?

“At first everything ran as normal.” Sigla pressed a button on the coffee machine. “Then after a while I began seeing the log diverging from the standard curve. Complexities clustered quicker.”
So far all things good, Warner thought and accepted the coffee from his undergraduate, even better than expected.
“Then the complexities dispersed instantaneouslu and the log ended below the standard curve.” They walked back to the office. “And the complexities grew slowly just to explode and implode again.”
“Have you controlled the change locally?”
“Yes, the change seems to be connected to signaling within the hosts.”
On the dark screen a log printed itself slowly. Graphs showed two lines competing to reach the top.
“Instead of controlled curiosity the hosts with the change work in a chaotic state of need.” Sigla continued. On the screen the blue line crashed down on the complexity graph.
Warner scanned the other graphs. Sample size abruptly also dipped for the blue.
“They are killing each other.” He whispered.
“Yes.” Sigla sipped his coffee. “The worst thing is that even though complexity show a cyclic structure, it steadily goes upwards. And once it reaches a complexity high enough…”
Suddenly the sample size collapsed.
“No…” Warner leaned closer.
“Yes, whole societies gone in an instant. These collapses also follows a cyclical pattern.”
“So they successfully repopulate?”
“Every time.” Sigla zoomed in the sample size and Warner got to see the few survives climb the line upwards. “After each collapse they rebuild faster.”
“I think you just found the gene for destruction.” Warner sighed.
“I think so too, sir. And it was just one mutation away all the time.”
“I am so glad it never caught on in our civilization.“ Warner said as the blue complexity line once again spiraled towards its red counterpart just to pass it.
“I will have the report ready within a year.” Sigla taped the keyboard and a writing program showed itself where he had prepared an excerpt.
‘The lucky mutation’ it said.
“I hope no society in our universe ever catches this virus.” Sigla exclaimed. “A society with these cravings could be lethal to everyone.”

Warner sipped his coffee, he agreed. Such civilizations could doom them all.

Flashes of Sanity #40: A Genuine Fiend

Welcome to Flashes of Sanity! Your weekly dose of flash fiction on 500 words or less. This week’s entry is A Genuine Fiend!

Enjoy!

Where am I? Isa thought to himself, what have happened?
Isa recalled the bottle after a long day.
”You know what they say right?” A voice said in the darkness. ”In the dark, only the dead find meaning.”
”They say that?” Isa focused on the voice. Male. 40.
”No, they don’t.” The man laughed. ”Idiot. I always loved that about you.”
So I know of him, Isa quickly scanned his memory. Could he be an old case revenger? Unlikely. Was it their current case? Maybe.
”I am sorry.” Isa said. ”But I don’t seem to recall who you are.”
It was worth a shot.
”You don’t! Well, I have known you for a long time. Some would even call me your best friend.”
Now Isa laughed. ”Sorry. But the last one who called me best friend slept with my girlfriend.”
”Matt was never your friend!” The man’s voice turned harsh.
Good, Isa thought.
”Matt never wanted your best…”
”But you do? I am sorry but I have missed the point where tying me up in the dark is my best.”
”You will understand. ” The man’s steps echoed against the floor. ”We have some time to talk before you die.”
A deadline, Isa sighed, how wonderful.
”The first time I noticed you.” A lighter suddenly lit next to Isa’s face. ”Your hair caught fire.”
Isa flinched. The light went out.
”I was ten!” He said. “Have you been tracking me since I was ten.”
”I begun much earlier Isa, but that was when I found you fascinating. Already back then you showed an interest for… pain.”
Isa froze in his chair and stared into the darkness. “What do you mean?”
“Come on Isa! Don’t act around me. I genuinely want what’s best for you.“
Wait, Isa told himself, wait for the monster to give you more.
“Trying the McKalvey method?”
Isa’s heart pounded fiercely inside his chest. Off course the monster knew. It made sense.
“Yes. Not very effective it seams.” Isa said. “I lit myself on fire, was that what you wanted to hear? I liked it.”
“Now we are getting somewhere. You have enjoyed fires for a long time now.”
“I think you have gotten something wrong here.” Isa wrestled with the rope. “I only lit myself on fire one summer.”
“True.” The whole room began burning. “But you have played with fire ever since.”
Isa fell back against the cement floor and the chair broke. He was free.
“You found out you enjoyed the pain. How many times have you been to the ER now again?”
Isa listened carefully. “To be fair I never planed on going there.”
“Yes, and the next time you won’t walk out.”
Isa attacked. A bull’s eye.
“I am pretty sure you won’t walk out either.”
“I only want what is best for you.” The man wheezed.
Isa pushed harder.
“You are dying.” The man said with his last breath.
Isa’s heart stopped with his hand still wrapped around a bottle.
Alone.

500 Words – Entry 39: Gray: A retailers dream

If you want to read this week’s story about a weird meeting at a store, don’t worry. It is still here. Just further down in this entry.I have added some blog-like personal thoughts to this and the last entry.

Personal thoughts

It feels like I am ramping up my writing! And I have alot in the pipeline both for the blog and my writing in general! This is so exciting (and a little nerve wrecking). Stay tuned!

I have discovered a couple of new podcasts that really excite me. They really have opened my eyes around the business of being an author.

1. The creative Penn podcast ( https://open.spotify.com/show/070M71FwN4u6HOivKRvqvq?si=UvmWJa_eTnmSFjWeSY1_ug&utm_source=copy-link )

2. 6 figure author podcast ( https://open.spotify.com/show/3YVuvQBs7OVWYRxm2Sqmyx?si=W8ACK2pqTJi8bYsB9hESgw&utm_source=copy-link)

Do you have any great podcasts? Send me a link!

Now to the story!

I had a blast writing this story. Gray just had som special about him. I hope you will have a laugh too.

Gray: The Retailer

”HELLO!” The voice echoed above the shelves. “Welcome to Food Palace – Where we make life easy.”
“Hush.” Matt said. “Did you hear that? Let’s be quiet, okay?”
Little Joe nodded.
“How can I help you todaaaaaaa-!” And there he was, Gary ‘Gray’. His feet lost their grip and slid on the tiles. For effect, he imitated a motorcycle.
“I see you brought Joe today.” Gray pinched the babies cheeks. “let me help you with that cart.”
Joe burst into tears.
“I think someone wants to have a loooollipop.”
Before Matt had the time to object, Joe hade a red lollipop in his mouth and a storm of new pinches hailed upon the reddening cheeks.
“So Matt, how can I help you today? “ Gray turned to Matt who saw Joe cry while turning hyperactive.
“I don’t need any help. “ Matt said. “We are just here for a quick errand.”
“Matt… no one enters food palace for a quick errand.” Gary steered them towards the vegetables.
“But we only need mi-. “
“Do you like my new shirt?“ Gray suddenly halted. “It is in fifty shades. Just like me.“ He leaned closer to Matt. “I am gonna let you in on a secret, I have learned a thing or two. And my playroom draws women like crazy.“
“Playroom?” The father said as two carrots landed in his cart. “I said… “
“Have I showed you our news?“ Gray suddenly steered deeper into the store.
“You should see the craziness we have taken in.” Gray continued . “Boats, cars… You know wwhat we sell houses. Maybe we should rename our self ‘The Palace’. “
“But I wanted milk.” Matt resisted but suddenly stopped. “Is that…”
“Yes.” Gray put his arm around Matt’s shoulders. “A full sized lego tank!”
Between them, Joe jumped up and down in sugary high.
“And you know what… “ Gray leaned closer. “It is on sale.”
“I could never…” Matt stared at the giant monstrosity . “We don’t have the money… Lisa would never…”
“Like you care what she thinks!” Gray blurted. Joe got a new lollipop and reached a terrifying hyper energized state .
“I do!” Matt looked startled at all the fifty shades of Gray.
“Sure.” Gray whistled in disbelief. “From what Lisa told me in my playroom you are kind of disappointment.”
Matt looked in confusion at the man who didn’t look to ever land anyone off the opposite sex. “Lisa has seen your playroom?”
“Many times and I gotta tell you, that tiger knows her stuff. “
“Tiger?” The craziness of it all got shady. “She hasn’t worn those in years.”
“Only for special occasions. They really shows her best sides.” Gray shaped a woman’s curves with his hands. “So what do you say? Lego tank? Or not?”
“I don’t know…” Matt said as he signed the paper and his mind thought tiger stripes and fifty shades.
“Now go and fulfill your dreams!” Gray disappeared between the shelves.
“Damn you Gray.” Matt sighed.